I’m still way more sexy

Hmmmmm…..

I’ve fallen in love. This beautiful angel whom I adore, whose heavenly glow I cannot resist, gives a powerful feeling in me. But, how can I, a lvl 32 Dragon Beater, hope to have her? My only solution was to convince her. I’ve written letters of passion more fiery than the hotpockets of hell, but alas, she only dismissed them. I look to gifts from my heart, but sadly I only have $5.13, so platinum rings were a no go. I try talking to her, but the only words that arise are ” You are FREAKING HAWT!”, coincidently, it doesn’t work. I make insistent phone calls, calling from payphone to payphone, 30 to 60 times a day, but to no avail. I’ve even stalked her, waiting all day by the rosemaries, only to find a restraining order. I don’t know why she continues to resist, for she is my love, for that we must be together forever and ever and ever…..and ever. It is the only way to go.

OMFG. Surveillance equipment is half-off at Best-Buy.

I’m the greatest person alive.

Weeeeeeeeeee!

Holy cow I rock. I just told this guy he is an idiot, and he believed me! I mean really, I freakin’ TOLD him. Another thing, my mom told me that Santa Claus doesn’t exist, which was totally un X-Treme of her, since it made me weep like 3 year-old. But at least I still have my sweet-ass cardboard boxes, and hot damn, I could put stuff in them. Like my dirty clothes. Or hundreds of gaming magazines. Or my other boxes. My life right now is going pretty sweet, I just got a new job cleaning up after truckers and hobos at a Denny’s resturant, which is teh awesome. Not only that, my cellphone can NOW communicate with GOD! How sweet is THAT!

I am the future

Insanity

 1. I like to jog. At night. Naked.

2. I used to host my own T.V. show, called “Dai’s Freakin’ Awesome Show”-Won 5 Grammy’s.

3. I think farmers hate me. Hate me for being sexy.

4. I remember a long time ago I used to fight wrongdoers.

5. I like to teach subjects I have no clue about.

6. I used to be friends with Jesus. I borrowed his beard once. For a beard party.

7. Whenever someone asks me what I’m doing, I say, “Doing your mom. Zing!”

8. I think the NFL should allow guns on the field. Now that would be entertainment!

9. My hobbies include being smug, asking people, “Some weather we’re having, eh?,” waving to homeless people, and yelling fire.

10. I sometimes find myself zoning out on the highway. It usually ends up bad.

11. Getting stabbed is the equivalent of getting socks for Christmas.

12. I think the President of France stinks.